To my darling Isabelle,
This week you turned two, this means that it’s only two years since you turned our lives upside down, two and a half years (well a little bit more) since we found out that you were on your way. It feels like so much longer, like our lives have always been this way.
I can’t remember a time where you didn’t exist… ok, that’s a lie, I can remember my life before you came along. I used to sleep in until 11 on the weekends, pop out to the shops without any responsibility or a care in the world. I was out past 6.30pm and didn’t worry about “bed time”. I could see my friends without having to pack for what seems like a holiday every time I open the front door. I would chat without having to stop every five seconds to provide a little person with a snack.
But I wouldn’t say that that was a better time, it was just a different period of my life. One that has passed for now, but will return again in the future.
Since you arrived it has been like a rollercoaster. From the colic and the milk intolerance, from the special formula to the stitches when I gave birth, every day has been different, and every day has been a challenge in its own little way. But those challenges are part of being a mummy, and now we are here, I can see the wood for the trees.
In the early days, I was poorly, and my mind was weak with the postnatal depression and anxiety, but now I enjoy the time we spend rather than the wracking worry and the endless hours. You shout “MUUUMMMMMYY” when you need me and look for me when you play. There were times that I would beg for you to say my name, but now I think I may live to regret it.
So here we are at the grand old age of two and you have become the most wonderful little girl a mummy could hope for. A shining example of the most wonderful part of being a mum, and the proof that when people said: “Mama, you got this” that they were right, I did. Despite me feeling that I am a bad mum or that I am failing you in some way, here you are chatting, playing, walking and laughing all day long. I really can’t have been doing as bad I thought I was.
I thought I would write you a letter, as a way to help the other mummies out there that are in the dark clouds, because when I was in a place that I never thought I would get out from, here is the proof that it will get better. One day, these mummies will see what I now see, and they will smile and realise they were doing it right all along.
And to see you the way you are now, I say thank you, you are the light and shine in my life and my biggest achievement, when I thought that it was never possible.
To my darling daughter,
Thank you xxx
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