Hey! It’s been a while, hasn’t it! Well, to be honest, I have wanted to write a post for some time but the words wouldn’t come. Everything since February has been pretty, well shit, really. Living with anxiety has been something I have coped with for a good long while, but something about watching coronavirus unfolding around us made it ramp up to one million per cent. Now, I’m not going to write a big post about woe is me with corona, because we’re all suffering in some way shape or form, but I just wanted to talk a little bit about homeschooling.

Those of you with children will now be well acquainted with the idea of teaching them during lockdown. You may be having learning sent over from the teachers, or perhaps a less formal but still ongoing approach of encouraging them to learn. Isabelle is 5, and is an August baby so is currently in Year 1. She is young for her year group and when they’re this tiny a year between her and the oldest kid is a massive amount of time. However, we are getting two daily video lessons and work to do in between. Now I want to make it clear that I know the school is only trying it’s best, and I adore the school and the teachers she has, BUT, it’s flipping hard!

Isabelle hates learning at home. We have a subscription to Reading Eggs and Twinkl, I print off resources and sit down with her, but she just isn’t into it! And I don’t want to force her.

The next thing that I want to get off my chest, sorry dear readers for being my sounding board, is the bloody expectation on working parents!!!!!! So I am a key worker, as a midwife I provide an essential service. However, I am extremely lucky that I can work from home occasionally. My husband is not classed as a key worker, but has been given the kit to work from home indefinitely.

We both have full-time contracts, him 40 hours and me 36. So how does that translate day to day? It translates to him and I taking Isabelle for two hour periods on rotation from waking up to her going to bed. It means that all our Teams/Zoom meetings include her and it means that neither of us can concentrate on work or childcare. We have managed to limit screen time… but only barely, and are constantly on our laptops when all she wants us to do is play.

I feel so incredibly guilty. I feel guilty that I want to spend the time with her, I feel guilty that I can’t concentrate on my work wholeheartedly, I feel guilty that I look unprofessional amongst my managers and colleagues as she demands my attention (wholeheartedly). They seem to be happy with her there, but when she asked me to wipe her bum live in meeting, I must admit I died inside a little.

So how are we coping? The truth is, we aren’t and our jobs, mental health and lives are hanging on by a thread.

So parents out there who are wondering when this hell will finally end. I feel ya. It’s not the start to 2021 we all wanted.

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