The fresh hell that is swimming.

The fresh hell that is swimming.

So I had been really looking forward to taking my baby girl swimming. I had bought a happy nappy, swim suit and the compulsory rubber ring with a seat in. I’d had spent many a balmy evening picturing her splashing in the pool while my husband and I pushed her around in the ring. In this dream the pool was empty, the water was warm and we were laughing merrily like the people in the picture frames do before you replace them with your own, meagre alternative.This would be the best experience we’d ever had as parents and one that we would lovingly remember for the remainder of time.

That didn’t happen. Not even a little bit. We heartily walked to the pool whilst on our holiday at 3.30pm, picturing quiet, empty cubicles and dry floors. It was heaving and trying to find a changing cubicle was like finding the last 52 inch plasma tv on Black Friday. But with a lot more water and screaming children rather than screaming women.

After the fight for the cubicle we progressed to the next level of hades, the locker relay “situation”. Racing 5 other mums in questionable bathing attire to secure the final locker about 7 feet off the ground. Then proceeding to stuff in: 2 coats; 2 bags; a changing bag; a pair of wellies and some trainers required some degree level Tetris due to the inevitable, “Oh crap, I’ve only got enough change for one locker” issue. After a little bit of crying, at this point only from my husband, we managed to lock the door and escape to the next pit of misery…

The baby “pool”.

Lets be clear, it resembles more of a pissy puddle of questionable water quality. I breathe a sigh of relief as the image of us laughing as we push her around re-enters my mind. Oh no, not today sonny-Jim. Let’s pack a herd of toddlers and babies into a 3 square metre puddle and watch as they all scream splash and cry in unison. We put her in that flaming rubber ring and she screamed solid for the following 30 minutes until we finally admitted defeat at the failure this “first experience” clearly was.

We skulked back to the changing rooms for “Black Friday” part 2 and to the worst thing that happened that day…

I put my socked foot on the wet floor. FML.


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13 Comments

  1. February 25, 2016 / 7:42 pm

    Oh wow I’m so with you on this. There is nothing I hate more about motherhood than a public swimming pool. Ewww!

  2. March 9, 2016 / 11:11 am

    This is brilliant! So true! I’m a,ready dreading butlins in May when I have to take three yes three children swimming, no doubt every day ???? Loved this post

  3. March 9, 2016 / 1:34 pm

    I was smiling all the way through this, and then properly laughed out loud at the last sentence, brilliant! I hope it’s not put you off swimming for life though! x

    • March 9, 2016 / 1:37 pm

      I’m still very traumatised but I’m thinking of attempting it again in the next couple of weeks. I’ll let you know how it goes! xx

  4. March 10, 2016 / 9:00 am

    Oh I used to dread taking babies swimming! It’s slightly easier as they get bigger, especially once they are out of nappies, that saves a lot of hassle. Still not something I do more often than necessary though!

  5. November 8, 2016 / 10:06 pm

    Ugh I hate take the kids swimming, hate it. In fact, now that my eldest is old enough to have swimming lessons on his own, I don’t ever take them anymore.
    #chucklemums

  6. November 8, 2016 / 11:33 pm

    Do you know, I cringed as I read that last line about your socked foot. What could be worse?!? Arhhh! For me, swimming would be fine if you didn’t have the changing room scenario afterwards. Getting changed anyway as an adult is uncomfortable enough. But trying to get a screaming cold baby out of a skin tight wet suit, dry, and into a nappy and clean clothes is awful!!! I do it every week at the moment because we signed up to a term of swimming lessons… good luck next time! #chucklemums

  7. November 10, 2016 / 9:57 am

    Oh nooo, that is LITERALLY the worst thing about swimming, the nasty, wet changing room floor! It smells! It’s cold! Why do we bother?!?! #chucklemums

  8. November 14, 2016 / 8:57 pm

    Bahahaha the wet sock is the worst of all the punishments! When I’m at home and I step in a puddle of water the dog or children have spilled and I can’t be arsed to go and change my socks because it’s upstairs it’s hell. Lasts about 5 minutes. You can’t get trench foot in that time can you? Was lovely to meet you properly this weekend! #chucklemums

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