Crap-verts

Crap-verts www.mumsymidwife.com

crapverts

My maternity leave has left me with much time to ponder the TV schedule, as you may remember with my love affair of ITVBe and Love Island. Life doesn’t get much more exciting now I’m at the beached whale stage of pregnancy and small things like funny tv ads tend to make my day… or not. I’ve grown to have a love/hate relationship with adverts. OH MY GOD, how some have managed to get my goat. Here is my mini run down of the worst offenders.

1) First and foremost is the TripAdvisor ad with that bleeding dog.

No dog barks “BOOK” quite like this french bulldog. It sounds just like the bloke sat there and used the same soundbite with his sound board and got trigger happy with his clicking to add it in. I mean- you’ve spent all that money on the ad, at least get the voice over to say “BOOK” a couple of ways. I’m sure he didn’t charge by the word.

That bloomin’ TripAdvisor ad!

As it turns out whilst I was Googling it, the American ad makes WAY more sense than the UK one. The shortened version we have definitely doesn’t have the “panache” that the USA has. Lucky sods, at least they know the bloody back story!

2) The Emmerdale advert.

Why are they all at the fair? And if they are, why are they so bloody miserable? Who sent out the memo for the terrible black outfits? I can hardly imagine Laurel sending out an “All user email” to the village saying “Black and depressing/feathery clothes only please – the weirder the better. They’ll suit perfectly for the hook a duck. Oh, and make sure you look as emotionally torn as possible to make people realise the unadulterated fear that perspex “Exit” sign brings.”

Emmerdale goes to the fair!

3) No-No, no no NO!

Don’t know about you but Kassie DePaiva needs to take a long run of a short cliff. If I see the No-No advert one more time I’ll call and ask to take part in their 60 day money back guarantee for the time I’ve spent snoring through their infomercial. I’m sure it’s heading into the weeks now.

The testimonials from the American and UK users are amazing, especially the lady that proudly claims she’s already earned back the money she would’ve spent on razors… I’m sorry but are you a wookie? How much do you spend on shaving products!? I only spend maybe £10 every 4 months ish… maybe she should consider laser, or hormone therapy. Poor lass, she must spend the day No-No-ing her chin.

4) My absolute “favourite” – Mo Farah eats Quorn.

This is another one. He turns up in a Quorn van at a tennis tournament (which is not his sport, did the producers not realise?) and tries to sell Quorn meals to poor, unsuspecting participants/spectators. The poor people then get their tasteless meals leaving him with his final portion… which a small child demands, and he gives away apologetically. I wouldn’t mind, but even Mo doesn’t seem like he wants to be there when he says, “Game, set and match, to Quorn”. It’s said with the passion of a man who is being watched by the production team with a suitcase full of money dangling above the boom mic for motivation.

Mo – say it with gusto!

On finding this instalment on YouTube I found that Mo hasn’t even re-recorded the voice over for the different ads. He sure believes in that product!

I have a few more that get on my nerves, but I’ll save them for another apt moment. In the mean time I’ll go about my business being hairy without a No-No whilst not eating Quorn for dinner. And I’ll avoid booking hotels on TripAdvisor for my pending trip to the Emmerdale fair. I don’t have a feathery enough outfit and ridiculous hair style to gain entry anyway…

I ask, what adverts annoy you?

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